A Touch She'll Never Feel
by Sunshine and Chocolate
Summary: Oliver's silent musings as he watches Tess sleep. Companion piece to A Look He'll Never See.


A Touch She'll Never Feel

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Tess/Ollie

Spoilers: 8x05 Committed

Summary: Oliver has a moment to think as he watches Tess sleep.

Author's Note: Companion to A Look He'll Never See

Disclaimer: I own nothing

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He never knew why he woke up in the pre-dawn hours only when she was sleeping next to him; it was some biological pull that simply woke him up just before the sun arose for him to see her in the hazy light.

And just like the many years they had spent beside one another, Oliver woke up that morning. He was greeted by a sight he never thought he would get to see again, Tess sleeping peacefully right by him.

There was something incredibly rare about the way the pre-day light flitted across her auburn hair as it cascaded over her pillow. The smile that played over her soft, pink lips always tugged at his heart and was a sight that his body just knew he needed to see.

The crinkle in her brow was what gave away deep slumber. It was not a look of concentration nor was it a look of sleep plagued by terrible dreams like someone who did not know her very well would assume just by looking at her. To the novice it was a look of fright or anger.

But it was a crinkle of contentment as he had come to think of it over their years together.

He also liked to flatter himself by thinking that she only ever got that look on her face when they were together.

Oliver shifted slightly so that his weight was on his side and he turned to face her fully, catching the dawn light come at her from a new angle. It now highlighted the deep crimson flush of her cheeks.

When he woke up in the mornings he always had the urge to reach out and softly touch the supple skin on her neck then let his hand drift downward in an attempt to wake her up for a little morning coital. It normally ended in blissful happiness.

However, that morning Oliver kept his hands tucked under his pillow because he did not want to disturb her for one reason and the other was that he wasn't sure how she would respond any more to an act of such bravado from him. Tess used to like that overly confident borderline cocky attitude and it had always led them to some happy moments under the sheets in their years together.

Despite last night, Oliver felt that he was on uneven ground with Tess. Things weren't the same as they once were and his throat closed up a little as a tidal wave of regret washed over him.

He had meant what he had told her last night; she scared him.

As their relationship had progressed she had slowly become not just the most important person in his life but the only true requirement he needed in order to be happy. It had begun to be something much more than anything he had ever felt and he had never been able to comprehend that depth of feeling for anyone let alone feel it for someone.

His heart would race when she was near and her kisses were his undoing. Oliver had known after making love one evening that he would not be opposed to spending the rest of his with her. It had been what had scared him into sleeping with that waitress.

He had needed an out. He had been too much of a coward to face what something that serious at that point in his life meant.

Oliver let out a soft breathe of frustration at the events that had taken place because even though he had known that they had been getting too serious for his comfort back then, it wasn't easy remembering the look on her face after she had walked in on him with said waitress.

She had been so devastated. Yet, she walked out the door again without letting him say another word or even try to explain anything which he had wanted to because he had realized his error.

It wasn't easy to think that he had realized too late the error of not facing those commitment fears. If only he had realized his happiness had been connected to hers and he had trusted that she could help him work it all out. Who knew where they would be now if he had not been a coward? They could be engaged, married with a few kids and a dog, no one could say for sure but he knew they would still be together.

It would mean that she would still be a woman that he knew better than himself. That wasn't the case anymore. She was deeply involved in things he probably did not want to know about in great detail and he hated thinking about the fact that she had inherited Lex Luthor's dynasty. The woman he had fallen for all of those years ago would never have sold out that way.

It especially broke his heart to think that his betrayal of her had somehow contributed to her going down a _questionable_ path, at best. Oliver wanted to believe that that fun loving girl was still locked away inside of her somewhere just dying to break free of the pencil skirts, French updos, with the perfectly painted nails and stiletto shoes.

Oliver wished they could both go back to simpler times of dancing in the warm rain of far off exotic locations during the night then making love all day long and coming and going at their leisure for there were no rules.

A part of him still held a small hope that maybe things could return to those days when they were just a young couple that was totally happy just to be around one another and living the life anyone would be jealous of. It was that part of him that had always compared every other woman he had ever dated to Tess. She was the one that got away and he had punished himself with loneliness for his own stupidity and also because he had never really gotten over her.

She was the reason he never got close to anyone after her. It scared him so much to let anyone in like he did with her because when he had cheated on her… he had realized sometime later that he had cheated himself too. He had cheated himself out of a potentially happy future with maybe a wife and kids because he was just too scared and in the end he had hurt himself simply by hurting her.

Instead of being an adult and being mature and voicing his fears to her, he had turned tail and found an easy out clause. The easiest out clause any relationship could have and he had taken full advantage of it.

She probably wouldn't believe any of this if he told her now. It would just sound like sorry an excuse to her after all of these years of avoiding the hard truth but there it was for him to face.

He had made a huge mistake and he had been paying for it ever since.

But now as he watched the dawn light spill into the room and he felt the urge to reach out and brush his lips against hers, he couldn't help the hope the filled his heart as he thought about the bracelet he had purchased just yesterday.

Maybe if she wasn't completely lost to this unfeeling, cold, bitter woman who ran a multi-billion dollar empire and was still, even partially, the woman he had woken up to on the godforsaken island all of those years ago then he still had a chance to break into her heart again.

He lost the tight control he had been able to maintain since waking up earlier and he bent his head forward. He breathed in her scent mixed with his as he got closer and closer to her body and let the cocky grin spread across his face.

Yeah, that was one of his favorite smells in the world and his heart always raced as the memories of how his sweat had mixed with hers invaded his mind.

Oliver brushed his lips against hers and lightly placed a kiss there. It was a kiss of promise, hope, and possibility. He leaned back only after a few seconds of enjoying her taste and burrowed back into the pillow as he continued to stare unabashedly at the gorgeous redhead next to him.

Sleep began to tug at his mind again and the last thoughts that filled his mind as he drifted off was that if he ever got the second chance he wanted more than he could even admit then he would never ever let her go again.

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End.

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